transracialed

Transracial Adoption

Statistics on Transracial Adoption

What is Transracial Adoption?

The term transracial adoption means the joining of racially different parents and children together in adoptive families. (Silverman, 1993)

What legislation exists concerning transracial adoption?

The Howard M. Metzenbaum Multiethnic Placement Act of 1994 (MEPA), prohibits an agency or entity that receives Federal assistance and is involved in adoptive or foster care placements from delaying or denying the placement of a child on the basis of the race, color, or national origin of the adoptive or foster parent, or the child involved.
In 1996, Congress enacted a law amending MEPA, the Interethnic Adoption Provisions (IEP), which forbids agencies from denying or delaying placement of a child for adoption solely on the basis of race or national origin. The Provisions: removed potentially misleading language; stated that "discrimination is not to be tolerated;" strengthens compliance and enforcement procedures, including the withholding of federal funds and the right of any aggrieved individual to seek relief in federal court against a state or other entity alleged to be in violation of the Act.

MEPA-IEP specific intentions include:

decreasing the length of time that children wait to be adopted.
facilitating the recruitment and retention of foster and adoptive parents who can meet the distinctive needs of children awaiting placement.
eliminating discrimination on the basis of the race, color, or national origin of the child or the prospective parent.

(Hollinger, The ABA Center on Children and the Law, National Resource Center on Legal and Court Issues, 1996)

How many families are adopting transracially?

The most recent estimate of transracial adoption was performed in 1987 by the National Health Interview Survey (NHIS). The findings revealed that only 8% of all adoptions include parents and children of different races.
1% of white women adopt black children
5% of white women adopt children of other races
2% of women of other races adopt white children (estimates include foreign-born). (Stolley, 1993)

An estimated 15% of the 36,000 adoptions of foster children in FY 1998 were transracial or transcultural adoptions. (US DHHS, 2000)

What does the research show?

The research that has been done to date suggests that transracial adoption is a viable means of providing stable homes for waiting children. Nearly a dozen studies consistently indicate that approximately 75% of transracially adopted preadolescent and younger children adjust well in their adoptive homes. (Silverman, 1993)
In a 1995 study, transracial adoption was not found to be detrimental for the adoptee in terms of adjustment, self-esteem, academic achievement, peer relationships, parental and adult relationships. (Sharma, McGue, Benson, 1995)

Bibliography

Hollinger, J.H. and The ABA Center on Children and the Law National Resource Center on Legal and Courts Issues. (1998). A guide to the Multiethnic Placement Act of 1994 as amended by the Interethnic Provisions of 1996. Washington, DC: American Bar Association.

Sharma, A.R., McGue, M.K. and Benson, P.L. (1996). The emotional and behavioral adjustment of United States adopted adolescents: part 1. An overview. Children & Youth Services Review, 18, 83-100.

Silverman, A.R. (1993). Outcomes of transracial adoption. The Future of Children, 3(1), 104-118.

Stolley, K.S. (1993). Statistics on adoption in the United States. The Future of Children: Adoption, 3(1), 26-42.

This material may be reproduced and distributed without permission, however, appropriate citation must be given to the National Adoption Information Clearinghouse.

Does race really matter?

What is Transracial Adoption?

Transracial or transcultural adoption means placing a child who is of one race or ethnic group with adoptive parents of another race or ethnic group. In the United States these terms usually refer to the placement of children of color or children from another country with Caucasian adoptive parents.

People choose to adopt transracially or transculturally for a variety of reasons. Fewer young Caucasian children are available for adoption in the United States than in years past, and some adoption agencies that place Caucasian children do not accept singles or applicants older than 40. Some prospective adoptive parents feel connected to a particular race or culture because of their ancestry or through personal experiences such as travel or military service. Others simply like the idea of reaching out to children in need, no matter where they come from.

Adoption experts have different opinions about this kind of adoption. Some say that children available for adoption should always be placed with a family with at least one parent of the same race or culture as the child. This is so the child can develop a strong racial or cultural identity. These people say that adoption agencies with a strong commitment to working with families of color and that are flexible in their procedures are very successful in recruiting "same race" families. Other experts say that race should not be considered at all when selecting a family for a child. To them, a loving family that can meet the needs of a particular child is all that matters. Still others suggest that after an agency works very hard to recruit a same-race family for a certain period of time but does not find one, the child should be placed with a loving family of any race or culture who can meet the child's needs.

Despite the experts' differing opinions, there are many transracial and transcultural families, and many more will be formed. If you are or wish to be a parent in one of these families, this fact sheet will help you by answering two questions: (1) What should you do to prepare for adopting a child of a race or culture different from yours? and (2) After adoption, what can you do to help your child become a stable, happy, healthy individual, with a strong sense of cultural and racial identity?

How You Can Prepare for a Transracial or Transcultural Adoption

Preparation for adoption is important for anyone thinking about adopting a child. It is even more important for parents considering transracial or transcultural adoption because it will introduce you to all aspects of adoptive parenthood, help you learn about adoption issues, and help you identify the type of child you wish to parent. Any adoption agency that conducts and supervises transracial or transcultural adoptions should provide this important service. If you are undertaking an independent adoption, you should seek counseling and training in these areas. You should also read as many articles and books as you can on the subject. (See the resource list at the end of this fact sheet.)

The following sections describe some issues to consider as you prepare for a transracial or transcultural adoption.

Examine Your Beliefs and Attitudes About Race and Ethnicity

While you may think you know yourself and your family members very well, it is important to examine your beliefs and attitudes about race and ethnicity before adopting a child of another race or culture. Try to think if you have made any assumptions about people because of their race or ethnic group. There are two reasons for this exercise: (1) to check yourself -- to be sure this type of adoption will be right for you; and (2) to prepare to be considered "different."

When you adopt a child of another race or culture, it is not only the child who is different. Your family becomes a "different" family. Some people are comfortable with difference. To them, difference is interesting, wonderful, and special. Other people are not so comfortable with difference, and are scared by it. Thus, some friends, family members, acquaintances, and even strangers will rush to your side to support you, while others may make negative comments and stare. During the pre-adoption phase, you should think about how you will respond to the second group in a way that will help your child feel good about himself or herself. (We'll give you some ideas a little later.)

When your child is young, an extra hug and a heart-to-heart talk might be all it takes to help him or her through a difficult situation. While the hugs and the heart-to-heart talks never stop, as your child gets older, you and your child will need more specific coping skills to deal with the racial bias you might face together as a family. Are you ready to fully understand these issues and help your family deal with whatever happens?

Think About Your Lifestyle

Before considering a transracial or transcultural adoption, take a look at your current lifestyle. Do you already live in an integrated neighborhood, so that your child will be able to attend an integrated school? If not, would you consider moving to a new neighborhood? Do you already have friends of different races and ethnic groups? Do you visit one another's homes regularly? Do you attend multicultural festivals? Do you enjoy different kinds of ethnic foods? How much of a leap would it be to start doing some of these things?

It is important for children of color growing up with Caucasian parents to be around adults and children of many ethnic groups, and particularly, to see adult role models who are of the same race or ethnic group. These people can be their friends, teach them about their ethnic heritage, and as they mature, tell them what to expect when they are an adult in your community. Can you make these types of relationships available for your child?

Consider Adopting Siblings

It is always good for siblings to be adopted together. It is no different in the case of transracial or transcultural adoption. Siblings who are adopted together have the security of seeing another person in the family who looks like them. They are able to bring a part of their early history and birth family with them to their adoptive family, which may help them adjust better. And with internationally adopted children, being together might mean they will be able to keep up their native language.

Let's say, then, that you have examined your beliefs and attitudes about race and ethnicity. You have thought about your lifestyle and considered adopting siblings. You are sure you want to adopt a child from another race or culture. What comes next?

Fron the National Adoption Information Clearing House http://naic.acf.hhs.gov

How You Can Help Your Child To Become a Stable, Happy, Healthy Individual With a Strong Sense of Racial or Cultural Identity

The seven parenting techniques listed below were compiled from books and articles on adoption and by interviewing experts in transracial and transcultural adoption. Some of these "techniques" are common sense and apply to all adopted children. However, with transracially or transculturally adopted children, these techniques are especially important.

Parents in a transracial or transcultural family should do the following:

Become intensely invested in parenting;
Tolerate no racially or ethnically biased remarks;
Surround yourselves with supportive family and friends;
Celebrate all cultures;
Talk about race and culture;
Expose your child to a variety of experiences so that he or she develops physical and intellectual skills that build self-esteem; and
Take your child to places where most of the people present are from his or her race or ethnic group.

The next sections provide more information on these techniques.

Become Intensely Invested in Parenting

Dr. Larry Schreiber, former president of the North American Council on Adoptable Children (NACAC), an umbrella organization for a large number of adoptive parent support groups in the United States and Canada, wrote a column about his transracial adoption experience in the Winter 1991 issue of Adoptalk, the NACAC newsletter. He characterizes transracial parenting as a "roller coaster of exaggerated parenting." As a Caucasian adoptive father of African-American, Latino, Korean, Cambodian, East Indian, and Caucasian children, he describes transracial parenting as the most joyous experience of his life. He admits that he doesn't really know what it is like to endure the racially-biased name-calling that his children have experienced, but he was always there for them when they needed to be comforted and to help them get through those difficult times.

Dr. Schreiber says that transracial parenting has both complicated and enriched his life. He had to work hard to help his children develop their cultural pride and self-esteem in a world that sometimes does not understand or is unkind to people from different cultures. However, he believes his children did overcome these difficulties and were able to develop positive cultural identities, mostly because of the help his family received from adoptive parent support groups and from other adults of the same cultural groups as his children.

Ms. RoAnne Elliott is another experienced adoptive parent in an interracial family who has written about the importance of investing in parenting. An African-American woman, Ms. Elliott encourages parents in transracial families to empower themselves and believe strongly that their family belongs together. She writes, "You need the firm knowledge in your heart and in your mind that you are the best parent for your children. This empowerment is key, since you can't parent well if you don't feel confident, competent, and entitled to do so." She says that being in an interracial family is the opportunity of a lifetime, allowing you to embark on "a journey of personal transformation, growing in your ability to nurture your children along the way. This involves an alert awareness of difference and an optimistic expectation that cultural differences among us will lead to rewarding personal connections and friendships."

The message, then, is that transracial parenting is not laid-back, catch-as-catch-can parenting. According to these two experienced adoptive parents, the demands are great, but so are the rewards.

Tolerate No Racially or Ethnically Biased Remarks

As adoptive parents in an interracial or intercultural family, you should refuse to tolerate any kind of racially or ethnically biased remark made in your presence. This includes remarks about your child's race or ethnic group, other races and ethnic groups, or any other characteristic such as gender, religion, age and physical or other disability. Make it clear that it is not okay to make fun of people who are different, and it is not okay to assume that all people of one group behave the same way. Teach your children how to handle these remarks, by saying, for instance, "I find your remark offensive. Please don't say that type of thing again," or "Surely you don't mean to be critical, you just don't have experience with . . ." or "You couldn't be deliberately saying such an inappropriate comment in front of a child. You must mean something else."

Try to combat the remarks while giving the person a chance to back off or change what has been said. This way you will teach your child to stand up to bias without starting a fight -- which could put your child at risk. In addition, by being gracious and giving others a chance to overcome their bias/ignorance, you can help to change their beliefs and attitudes over time. Positive exchanges about race will always be more helpful than negative ones.

Surround Yourselves With Supportive Family and Friends

While you were thinking about adopting transracially or transculturally, did you find some people in your circle of family and friends who were especially supportive of your plans to become a multicultural family? If so, surround yourself with these people! In addition, seek out other adoptive families, other transracial or multicultural families, and other members of your child's racial or ethnic group. You will be surprised by how helpful many people will want to be, whether it is to show you how to cook an ethnic dish or teach you some words in their language. According to Ms. RoAnne Elliott, "You need a supportive community comprised of many races -- those who will be role models and provide inspiration, those who will stimulate your thinking, those who fill your desire for cultural diversity, and those who will challenge you in constructive and respectful ways.

Celebrate All Cultures

As a multicultural family, you should value all cultures. Teach your child that every ethnic group has something worthwhile to contribute, and that diversity is this country's and your family's strength. For example, you might give your Korean daughter a Korean doll, but you might also start a collection for her of dolls of many different racial and ethnic groups. If your child is from South America, go to the Latino festival in your town, but also visit the new Native-American art exhibit, eat at the Greek fair, and dance at the Polish dance hall. Incorporate the art, music, drama, literature, clothing, and food of your child's ethnic group and others into your family's daily life. Invite friends from other cultures to celebrate your holidays and special occasions, and attend their events as well.

The area of religion brings up special concerns. You may wish to take your child to a place of worship in your community where most of the members are from the same ethnic group as your child; for example, you could bring your East Indian child to a Hindu temple or your Russian child to a Russian Orthodox church. What an opportunity to meet people of his ethnic group, find adult role models, and learn the customs of his heritage! However, before you do this, be sure you could be supportive if your child decides to practice that religion. If you have your heart set on raising your child in your own family's religion - one that is different from the religion practiced in the place of worship you will visit -- tell your child that the visit is for a cultural, not religious, purpose or perhaps decide not to visit at all. Practically speaking, you can impose your religious practice on your child for only a few years. As an adult, your child will ultimately decide whether to practice any religion at all, and whether it will be one that people of his or her heritage often practice, your family's religion, or yet another one that he or she chooses.

While it is important to teach your child that differences among people are enriching, it is also important to point out similarities. One expert suggests that in an adoptive family the ratio should be two similarities for each difference. For instance, to a young child you might say, "Your skin is darker than Daddy's, but you like to play music, just like he does, and you both love strawberry ice cream." As much as you want to celebrate your child's distinctive features, he or she also needs to feel a sense of belonging in the family.

Talk About Race and Culture

How has race or culture defined you? What is life like for a Latino person in America? What is life like for a Caucasian person? An African-American person? An Asian person? How are persons of different ethnic groups treated by police officers, restaurant employees, social organizations, or government agencies? What do you think about interracial dating and marriage? As a multicultural family, you need to address these and other racial matters.

Talk about racial issues, even if your child does not bring up the subject. Use natural opportunities, such as a television program or newspaper article that talks about race in some way. Let your child know that you feel comfortable discussing race-the positive aspects as well as the difficult ones. On the positive side, a child of a certain race may be given preferential treatment or special attention. On the other hand, even a young child needs to know that while your family celebrates difference, other families do not know many people who are different. These families are sometimes afraid of what they do not know or understand, and may react at times in unkind ways. It can be difficult to deal with such issues, especially when your child is young and does not yet know that some adults have these negative feelings, but you have to do it. You will help your child become a strong, healthy adult by preparing him or her to stand up in the face of ignorance, bias, or adversity.

Stand behind your children if they are the victim of a racial incident or have problems in your community because of the unkind actions of others. This does not mean you should fight their battles for them, but rather support them and give them the tools to deal with the blows that the world may hand them. Confront racism openly. Discuss it with your friends and family and the supportive multicultural community with which you associate. Rely on adults of color to share their insights with both you and your child. Above all, if your child's feelings are hurt, let him talk about the experience with you, and acknowledge that you understand.

Ms. Lois Melina, a Caucasian adoptive parent of Korean children and a noted adoption writer, lists five questions for you to ask your child to help him or her deal with problem situations:

What happened?
How did that make you feel?
What did you say or do when that happened?
If something like that happens again, do you think you will deal with it the same way?
Would you like me to do something?

It is important to leave the choice of your involvement up to your child. This way, you show that you are available to help, but also that you have confidence in your child's ability to decide when your help is needed.

Expose Your Child to a Variety of Experiences so That He or She Develops Physical and Intellectual Skills That Build Self-Esteem

This parenting technique is important for all children, but it is especially important for children of color. Children of color need every tool possible to build their self-esteem. While society has made strides in overcoming certain biases and forms of discrimination, there remain many subtle and not-so-subtle color or race-related messages that are discouraging and harmful to young egos. Be alert to negative messages that are associated with any race or culture. Point them out as foolish and untrue. Emphasize that each person is unique and that we all bring our own individual strengths and weaknesses into the world. Frequently compliment your child on his or her strengths. Draw attention to the child's ability to solve math problems, play ball, dance, play a musical instrument, ride a bike, take photographs, perform gymnastics, or any other activity that increases confidence. Self-esteem is built on many small successes and lots of acknowledgement. A strong ego will be better able to deal with both the good and the bad elements of society.

As your child gets older, keep in touch with his or her needs: this might mean buying him or her a few of the in clothes or enrolling him or her on the popular teams. Stay in tune with your child's natural skills and talents, and do whatever you can to help him or her develop them at each age.

Take Your Child to Places Where Most of the People Present are from His or Her Race or Ethnic Group

If you bring your African-American child to an African-American church, or your Peruvian child to a Latino festival, your child will experience being in a group in which the number of people present of his ethnic group is larger than the number of Caucasians present. Adoptive family support group events are other places where this might happen. Children usually enjoy these events very much. If you adopted a young child from another country, you might consider taking a trip to that country when the child is older and can understand what the trip is all about. Many adoptive families who take such a trip find it to be a wonderful learning experience.

Another benefit of such an experience is that it might be one of the few times when you feel what it is like to be in the minority. This will increase your awareness and ability to understand your child's experience as a minority individual.

Racism is Still Alive! Parenting the AA Child

Unfortunately, as much as we would like to believe it is dead, racism is not dead. Here’s some statistics about people of color:

A person of color will be scrutinized routinely upon entering a convenience store.
A person of color is statistically likely to make less money than a white person.
A person of color is more likely to die a violent death than a white person.
A person of color will likely experience more unemployment and layoffs than a white person will.
A person of color is twice as likely to have a run-in with the law, in Utah, than a white person.

“Even in the most protected of environments, it is possible for bad stuff to happen. In a racist society, even the youngest among us will sooner or later have a negative experience relating to race. Imagining that as white parents, we can somehow prevent this from happening, is wishful thinking. We must support our child’s sense of dignity and competence instead of our own need to rescue. Parents in same race families can anticipate what is coming and are not likely to let their children out into the world without tools for taking care of themselves, just as no parent would let their child learn how to cross the street without tools for avoiding getting hit by oncoming traffic.” Gail Steinberg and Beth Hall

We need to prepare our children for racism. Hopefully, it won’t go further than name-calling, but sometimes it can get violent. It is so important that we help our children (ALL our children—any color!!), especially our AA children, gain a strong racial identity, self-esteem, confidence, etc. They need to know they are of worth, just the way they are. That said, we need to arm and prepare them for what is coming. Make sure it is age appropriate. Don’t wait for your child to come home upset about something that happened at school or out playing before you address racism.

Your child may become the object of racism from both sides of the issue—white people and black people. Racism is displayed through name-calling, racial slurs, inferior treatment, exclusion, pre-conceived expectations or physical violence. You can identify the names that may be used. You can explain the history behind the slur.

Emphasize that you understand these things hurt. “When you hurt with your child, they truly become yours” (Bonnie Peters). Emphasize that your child doesn’t deserve this treatment and that s/he is a good person. People who really know her and how wonderful she is, would never say anything like that to her. Help your child understand and internalize that what they think of themselves is far more important that what anyone else thinks of them.

Your child will need to develop coping techniques—problem solving skills, non-responses, verbal and non-verbal responses. Empower your child to deal with it. Comments, accompanied by staring (especially around the torso), such as “My mother says people like you are ignorant” or whispering a response, are effective. They need to externalize the comments of others. Never justify or explain away the comments or behavior. It’s not acceptable, regardless of why it was done. The person’s intent has nothing to do with how your child feels. Make sure your home is a No-Tolerance Zone for racial slurs.

Model appropriate behavior. If you are there when a comment is made, you can handle it in some of these ways…(to an adult) ”I am not comfortable with what you just said and I’d appreciate it if you would never repeat it. Your remark is offensive, because it says some people are worth less than others are because of the color of their skin, which is neither true nor funny. The world has more than enough anger and pain to go around, so how about putting a lid on contributions like that?” (to a child) “Talk like that hurts people’s feelings. I won’t let you talk that way here.”

There is more than one way to be black. Use heroes—books, movies, professionals such as doctors or attorneys or engineers, etc. Don’t just use sports stars or music stars and actors. Make sure you include AA heroes, as well as heroes from every race. Visit places where there is a greater racial diversity.

“Transracial adoptive families rest on the capacity to love one another without the common markers of ‘sameness.’ We don’t look alike; the world doesn’t treat us like other families; each member of our family comes with a different history. But when we ask, ‘Who is on my side? Who (II Kings 9:32) the answer is our family members.

“Wrapped together under a splendid quilt that holds us warm, holds us up and tucks us into our daily lives, we act like a tribe, because that’s what we are. We serve as allies for one another, because we must. We pool our resources because that’s what families do. Together we are greater than the sum of our parts; all we ask is to be.

“Transracial families are pioneers. Our lives are miracles. We share a respect for difference and an appreciation for diversity that are models for all people and all communities. Life provides us with more opportunities every day than most people get in a lifetime.

“Adoption is the work of a lifetime. At this point we have come to realize that we get lots of chances to revisit the same issues. We recognize that our children have power all their own that will help them stand tall in this race-sensitive culture. We recognize that we will never graduate from the school of understanding race, but that we will continually be given opportunities to grow. Our children recognize that they have the opportunity to be members of more than one family and more than one community. We are assured that our antennae become ever more sensitive, and that every day is another chance to be a good multiracial family member. Together we can make a difference.”

Gail Steinberg & Beth Hall “Inside Transracial Adoption

Adapted from Parenting the Transracial Child, presented by Yvonne Johanson at the Utah Adoption Council Conference, April 2004

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Answering Sensitive Questions

Plan on getting questions ranging from “Is your husband (wife) black (or….)?” to really insensitive comments about a birthparent or your child…or you for adopting a child of another race, especially if it’s AA. Be prepared with a couple answers. You may get questions there is no way to prepare for because of the insensitivity or cruelness of the questioner. If all else fails, don’t hesitate to come back with “I can’t believe you would ask a question like that!” or “Come on sweetheart, some people are just so rude!” and walk away. Some people just need to be educated! If your child is there when the question is asked, you will have some damage control to do.

Physical and Medical Aspects

AA Skin & Hair

Building Racial Identity:
Hair is an adoption issue
by Marta Barton, Liza Steinberg and Beth Hall

For White parents of Black children (full or biracial), doing your child's hair is totally different from doing your own. It's something most White people never had an opportunity to learn about. It is essential to your children's sense of identity and self-esteem that they are given the opportunity to look like they are well-cared for and groomed; this is particularly true for transracial families, already subjected to unusual social scrutiny by others who aren't quite sure you are really a family. How your children look can shape the conclusions outsiders draw. Children notice others' assessments and often interpret them as evidence of their own inadequacy. Young children are very concrete. They need to feel beautiful and handsome to contribute to a sense of pride in who they are. If their hair is a source of frustration and unhappiness, not just for them but for you, they may begin to develop low self-esteem.

Questions to ask yourself: how hair-educated are you?

Remember, there are no absolute answers. The ideas we offer here are common but are not universally held within the African American community.

How often should you wash your child's hair?

Probably not daily; maybe only as often as once every week or two. Water is a drying agent. Most African Americans have to be very careful about keeping enough moisture and oil in their hair. Frequent washing may dry out the hair, preventing the natural oils to moisturize.

How often should you comb or brush and style your child's hair?

At least daily. Children may be tender-headed and may dislike this process, but if you don't do it consistently, their hair will begin to mat, making combing impossible. Very often, parents tell us that they feel bad because their children cry while having their hair combed, but many children cry at first when having their hair done, even when they have same-race parents. Nonetheless, they are still entitled to look and feel good about themselves. And with daily (or more frequent) brushing, the hair will have fewer mats and thus hurt less with time. Natural-bristle brushes are often softer and easier to use than synthetic brushes.

What is a relaxer? Should you press or straighten your child's hair?

Relaxers are chemicals which straighten hair. These should not be tried without professional consultation, and they are rarely suggested for children under 6 years old. To press hair means to heat it, making it straighten. Again, very young children do not usually have the patience for this kind of procedure, which should be taught by a professional the first time.

Do you know what ashy skin is?

Ash is excessively dry or flaky skin. It is important to use lotion all over your child's skin, using mostly natural lotions like cocoa butter.

Should you use the same products on your child's hair as your own?

Probably not. There are special products designed specifically for Black hair. These tend to be re-moisturizing, which is important. It is also essential to use some kind of hair moisturizer (creme or oil) at least once a day and after every washing. Make sure you use enough, so the hair looks shiny but not greasy.

Are there specific styles that are appropriate or not for African American children?

Yes. Generally, for boys, close cuts are considered attractive. Be careful about trying to have young children look too hip. Girls' hair is generally allowed to grow long and kept tied or braided every day. Since we don't want our children to have any extra burdens, we should be very careful about choosing styles from our own personal preferences over what is common among Black American families. African American children in White homes already stand out and often need the comfort of looking like mainstream African American children while still maintaining a bridge to their daily community.

Should I take my child to a professional salon or do it at home?

It is a very good idea to go to a professional salon that specializes in serving African Americans, where you can learn how and what to do with your child's hair. We recommend asking African American friends, others who would know, or Pact, to recommend salons open to helping White parents of Black children. A wonderful side benefit of this activity is the experience it gives you of being the only one of your race present in the salon or barber shop, while your child is one of the majority. Further, it offers you a chance to connect to new people who are the same race as your child. Also, it speaks volumes to your child about how much you value them within the context of their race. Nothing is as nice as to see your children leaving the salon with an extra strut in their step because of the fuss and attention they have just received. It's easy to feel great about yourself when you look great!

This article was contributed by Pact, An Adoption Alliance. Pact is a nonprofit organization begun by two adoptive parents in 1991. In addition to facilitating adoption placements involving infants of color, Pact is a membership organization with a national reputation for excellence in offering lifelong support to all triad members.

Pact provides the highest quality adoption services for children of color. Our primary client is the child. In order to serve the child, we address the needs of all of the child's parents, by advising families facing a crisis pregnancy and by offering lifelong education to adoptive families and birth families on matters of race and adoption. Our goal is for every child to feel wanted, honored and loved, a cherished member of a strong family with proud connections to the rich cultural heritage that is his or her birthright.

Each year, Pact offers educational events attended by more than 1500 individuals, provides (free of charge) over 1000 crisis consultations to birth parents, and consults with hundreds of potential adoptive parents. Top priority is given to programs especially designed to support and inform adopted children and adopted adults of color. As Pact's national prominence grows, our ability to meet the needs of all members of the triad increases.

Throughout the years since its inception, Pact's founders and small staff have dedicated themselves to the mission of providing the highest quality adoption-related services to children of color, their birth parents and their adoptive parents. Despite its limited budget, Pact has helped place over 650 children in permanent, loving families and has counseled thousands of adopted adults, birth parents, foster parents and adoptive parents. Pact also works with adoption professionals to facilitate adoptions and to initiate programs that better serve clients raising children of color. Importantly, Pact goes beyond traditional adoption services by offering extensive post-placement opportunities for all families raising children of color (same-race, transracial, international, transcultural, etc.), providing informative and essential education, connection and support.

Pact Membership
Adoptive families - whether parents are the same race as their children or of a different race - formed through domestic or international adoption - led by two parents or a single parent - professionals and organizations are invited to join. At Pact, you will find support, new resources, services, information and advocacy addressing your special issues. Membership includes a subscription to Pact Press and discounts on books, conferences and other Pact materials. You will also receive regular mailings containing new information, along with invitations to special events.

Pact's Co-Founders and Directors
With a start-up budget of zero, Beth Hall and Gail Steinberg managed to install a telephone and begin the process of creating a non-profit organization dedicated to connecting children of color in need of adoption with prospective parents. It became clear immediately, from the sheer number of calls received from birth parents throughout the United States, that the need was huge and not simply a local situation. That was the beginning...

Gail and Beth have now written a book entitled Inside Transracial Adoption. If a book could realistically carry a thirty-odd word title, then this book's might be something like How to Get to the Place Where It Feels Almost Fun to Let People Wonder How You and Your Kids Could So Clearly Belong to One Another When You Look So Different!

Using a careful blend of academic research, social reality and personal experience, Steinberg and Hall have honed their experiences working with thousands of transracial and transcultural adoptive families and as the recipients of three federal grants on transracial adoption, to offer detailed, step-by-step, get-real guidance for families about tough issues they will have to face related to race and adoption. They do so with humor and pathos, confrontation and empathy, mixed liberally with the gutsy panache for which they are well known in the U.S. adoption community This is a must-read book that pulls no punches. It is destined to become the classic guide to living Inside Transracial Adoption!

To find out more about Pact, and the services they provide, visit PactAdopt.org, e-mail info@pactadopt.org, or call (866) 722-8257.

Medical risks

There are some specific medical risks with AA children. Diseases such as sickle cell are nearly exclusive to people of African decent.

Support Groups/Association

Supporting Transracial Families: Start From Where They Are
by Gail Steinberg and Beth Hall

When eight-year-old Timothy read some posters in his neighborhood that said "Stop stealing our children and calling it adoption. Take back our children!" he woke up screaming in the night. In his nightmare, monsters stole him from his mom and dad, the family he has belonged to since he was born. The monsters were African Americans, the same as Timmy. Timmy's parents by adoption are White. After he saw those signs, Timmy started to show fear of people of his own race. He thinks his mother is crazy because she wants to keep going to the local African American church. When she wanted to welcome a new Black family who moved in down the street, he hid under his bed. Timmy thinks the man who put up the sign wants to take him away from his family. Though he and his family have many friends of color, night after night, Timmy's nightmares keep returning.

When we listen to people who think they know all the answers about transracial placements, we want to put our hands over our eyes and groan, for we see what they do not see, the children who are already growing up with parents of a different race than their own. Debate about transracial adoption and foster care is old news in the child welfare community. The National Association of Black Social Workers has not changed its 1972 position that transracial adoption is a "form of genocide." Others argue that while there is no empirical research providing evidence that transracial placement is harmful to kids, there is no doubt that growing up without permanence is damaging.

Meanwhile, the number of children in foster care rose by 50 percent between 1986 and 1991 and is still rising. Like it or not, transracial placements continue to be made. This increase is due to the fact that more than half of the children in need of homes are African American and not enough racially-matched homes are available. Children are being raised by parents of different races from their own. These children can't wait for the debate to be resolved. We must respect families as they exist. How do we support these children in a way that doesn't force them to choose between their family and their race?

To understand how to support children of color who have been adopted into White homes, we must first understand what these children face in a society that is biased about both adoption and race. We are witnessing the decline of the "dominant culture" theory. Those who are now classified as minorities are fast becoming the majority. Still, we are bombarded by racist values, no matter our skin color. A quick look at our national heroes and at the people held up by the media, advertising, and academia makes the point. African Americans, Latinos, Asians, Native Americans, and people of mixed racial heritage in positions of power stand out as exceptions to the European American norms, in spite of the fact that their numbers are growing. A child growing up with parents of another race must learn the skills that are necessary for survival in times of increasing racial tension. In a racist society, being both comfortable and aware in one's own skin is a life and death matter.

Children cannot choose between their family and their race without negating integral pieces of themselves. The goal is for these kids to be comfortable in all the worlds they populate. Every adopted person has a dual identity: one based on his or her genetic family system, the other shaped by the experiences within the family that raises the child. Children in transracial placements live with two racial realities as well.

Parents must help children to feel part of the race with which society will identify them. To learn to walk the walk and talk the talk, these children must have role models within their race. No one who is White can know what it is to be a person of color. If White parents love their children, they must be willing to sacrifice their own comfort in living in a lily-white neighborhood or always being in the majority. They must choose friends, business partners, and the professionals who populate their lives to include adults of their child's race. Picture books, ethnic restaurants and festivals are not enough.

Communities must welcome children from transracial families and allow them to participate on every level possible, regardless of who their parents are. We all must affirm and acknowledge these children's dual identities in both the European and African American community as well as within their birth and adoptive families. If we are successful, we will raise adults in a unique position to understand and access a society still White-dominated while standing with pride and power in their own racial identity and self-awareness.

To find out more about Pact, and the services they provide, visit PactAdopt.org, e-mail info@pactadopt.org, or call (866) 722-8257.

Siblings of differing races

If you already have children, birth or adopted, that are of a different race than the child you are currently expecting to adopt, there may be issues with the children themselves. It’s a great opportunity for you talk with your children and help them understand about racial identities and that we are all God’s children and He loves us all the same. Differences are wonderful, if they are approached that way.

Culture and Family

The Richness of Cultural Multiplicity

What can culture offer?

“What is the worth of family bonds that mitigate poverty and insulate individuals from loneliness?

What is the value of diverse institutions about the cosmos, the realms of the spirit, the meaning and practice of faith? What is the economic measure of a ritual practice that results in the protection of a river or a forest? We are all acolytes of our own realities, prisoners of our own perceptions, so blindly loyal to the patterns and habits of our lives we forget that, like all human beings, we to, are enveloped by the constraints and protection of culture.”

The Micmac people of Canada, name “the trees…for the sounds the prevailing winds make as they blow through the branches in the fall, an hour after sunset…Through time, the names can change, as the sounds change and as the tree itself grows or decays, taking on different forms.”

“In Mexico, a Mazatec farmer communicates in whistles, mimicking the intonation of his language to send complex messages across the broad valleys of his mountain homeland. It is a vocabulary based on the wind.”

“For the Kogi (of the mountains of Columbia)…the goal of life is knowledge, not wealth. Only through insight and attention can one achieve an understanding of good and evil.”

Among the people of Sarawak, there is no work for ‘thank you’ as sharing is considered an obligation. “There is one word for ‘he’, ‘she’, and ‘it’, but six words for ‘we.” The children of the Penan are “taught that a poor man shames us all.”

“In the language of the Inuit, the word uvatiarru may be translated as ‘long ago’ or ‘in the future’.”

“Just to know such cultures exists it to remember that the human imagination is vast, fluid, infinite in its capacity for …invention. Our way of life, with its stunning technological wizardry, its cities dense with intrigue, is but one alternative rooted in a particular intellectual lineage. The Polynesian seafarers who sense the distance of distant atolls in the echo of the waves, the Naxi shaman of Yunnan who carve mystical tales into rock; the Iuwasi Bushmen who for generations lived in open truce with the lions of the Kalahari, reveal that there are other option, other ways of being.”

From “Light at the Edge of the World” by Wade Davis

Culture Defined

Culture is not necessarily the same as race. Race, nationality and ethnicity have different meanings.

Race refers to an anthropological system of classification of humans based upon physical characteristics determined by heredity. The characteristics that determine one’ race are strictly biological.

Ethnicity generally refers to a classification of people based upon their national or regional origin. Years ago, people were born, lived and died in the same area. Therefore, usually, the people of a certain area are usually of the same race anf often share a common historical and cultural background.

Ethnicity and Culture are not interchangeable. People from the same ethnic group may differ widely in cultural traits.

Culture is a system of values, beliefs, attitudes, traditions and standards of behavior that govern the organization of people into social groups and regulate both individual and group behavior. Culture is adoptive; it is created by groups of individuals and incorporated into group life to assure the survival and well being to the group’s members.

Culture includes:

Cognitive systems such as beliefs, attitudes and values,
Norms, which are rules regarding appropriate and inappropriate ways of behaving; and sanctions, which are rewards or punishments for appropriate and inappropriate behavior,
Definitions of roles for members of the culture, which are the appropriate and expected behaviors of certain people based upon their gender, social position or area of responsibility in the society,
Spiritual or religious systems and institutions
Economic systems, which regulate the production, distribution and sharing of resources among members of the group,
A political system, with designated leadership and identified rules to maintain social order. These may include large formal governments or a small tribal decision-making bodies.
Language
The products of life, including the artistic and technological artifacts produced by the group.

Human culture is almost entirely transmitted through learning.
Understanding Race and Adoption

The more awareness that intercultural adoptive parents have, as well as a willingness to act on behalf of their child, the better prepared the growing child will be to live as an adult in a society where heritage still matters

by Joan D. Ramos, M.S.W.

The history and development of intercultural adoptions--adoptions between members of distinct racial, ethnic, national origin, and religious groups--that have taken place in the United States since the end of World War II, play a role in how such adoptions impact children and families today. Most such adoptions, whether of children born in the United States or in other countries, follow the pattern of adults from the dominant culture group adopting children who are members of heritage groups deemed to be of minority status in the United States. Within our country, children of color continue to enter the foster care system in numbers quite disproportionate to their population percentages, related to socioeconomic factors reflected in different racial/ethnic groups.

Children from throughout the world suffer most from the dire circumstances that affect large sectors of the populations in so-called "developing" nations. Accordingly, these children may become candidates for intercountry adoptions. The institution of formal adoption was originally developed to serve European-American children and adults and, only fairly recently, has this focus changed.

Caucasian parents who adopt children of color have a unique opportunity to use their obvious family situation to be quite open about the realities of adoption. Both parents and children face additional and distinct tasks in building healthy, realistic identities.

The issue of identity--"Who am I?"--is more complicated for children growing up in adoptive families than it is for children growing up in genetic families. Intercultural adoption adds another layer of identity issues for the family as well as the child. European-Americans often fail to understand that the identity-development process is different for members of racial and ethnic minority groups than for members of the dominant culture. Most European-Americans are raised to think of themselves primarily as individuals, as the larger society no longer ascribes an ethnic group identity to most of the Caucasian majority. Most individuals of color, on the other hand, also have to deal with how the larger society perceives them--both as individuals and as members of a group. A group affiliation and identity can also serve to help "minority" individuals develop survival skills.

The more awareness that intercultural adoptive parents have about such concerns, as well as a willingness to act on behalf of their child--even when it may mean changes in customary life patterns--the better prepared the growing child will be to live as an adult in a society where heritage still matters.

Ages and Stages: Children's Understanding of Race and Adoption

An overview of how racial and ethnic identity develops in interculturally-adopted children can provide a framework for planful parenting and counseling. The age ranges are approximate and are meant as guidelines for relative stages of child development.

Birth Through Three: Toddlers become aware of physical race and skin color differences and learn names for specific groups. They do not comprehend the real meanings of these labels, and may be puzzled by the use of colors to describe both people and objects. Adoption issues at this point are primarily those of the parents: intercultural adoptive parents quickly experience reactions (positive, neutral, or negative) from extended family and community. Some parents are not prepared for questioning and do not receive the same level of support that new same-race families do; some families are regularly praised for having done a good deed. Bonding between parent and child can be affected by a mutual adaptation process that includes cross-cultural factors. By three, children can recite their own adoption stories, but with little comprehension. Toddlers may recognize that they and their families are the object of others' curiosity.

Four Through Six: Preschoolers can usually identify their own racial or ethnic group and may place a positive or negative value on their own and other groups. Feelings about groups are acquired by absorbing societal messages from the media, literature, toys, and their surroundings, even in the absence of contact or parental instruction. Children notice their own racial and ethnic differences from their parents and may express a desire to be the same race and ethnicity as the parents the children love. Some children act on this desire by avoiding sunshine, or trying to change their skin or hair color with chalk, flour or soap. By the age of six, children notice that most of their peers are of the same race as at least one parent and that most of their playmates are not adopted. Peers question children about their ethnicity and family composition. Most children at this age have rudimentary knowledge about pregnancy, birth, adoption and their own situation.

Seven Through Eleven: Latency age children usually have a firmer understanding of their own racial and ethnic identity and--given the opportunity--will explore what it means to be a member of this group. This can be a prime age for participating in group activities with a cultural or educational focus, as well as a time when role models are especially important. Adoption issues often come to the fore, especially as children's understanding of their personal situations expands to recognize the losses they have sustained. Children may grieve for their birthparents as well as begin to question their place or sense of belonging in their adoptive families. Most children are comfortable with their interracial family status, especially if parents strive for open communication regarding adoption, race and related issues. These children are usually accepted by their dominant culture peers with whom they want to fit in. A child may assume a sort of celebrity status, especially if he or she is the one-and-only child of color. At early elementary school age, children are usually receptive to parents sharing adoption and heritage information at school, although some teachers and school assignments may not be sensitive to adoption issues.

Twelve Through Eighteen: Adolescence is usually comprised of early and late stages, but the span is included here because the progression is very individualistic. This is a time of exploration, including determining the significance of race, ethnicity, culture, adoption, and examining how these apply to the individual. A teen's past experiences with his or her ethnic group identity are important as they determine whether the adolescent's identity now is positive, negative, or in transition. Teens who have had little or no contact with members of their own group may model themselves after media images, which may be exaggerated and negative. Teens' interracial family status can add another layer of embarrassment about their parents. Some teens form interracial friendships, while others may experience rejection from dominant culture peers who were previously friends. This may particularly occur with respect to dating. Some adopted teens may meet others of the same racial or ethnic heritage for the first time in school, and may not be accepted by these individuals (who are also dealing with identity issues) as they do not "act their color." This can be a very tumultuous time. Adoption issues may come to the fore, in understanding self, contemplating searching for birth parents, and in the process of emancipating from their adoptive parents. The identity-building process will continue into the post-teen years.

Identity Challenges: How Common?

A major concern about intercultural adoptions has been that such an unusual situation would inevitably result in a gravely confused identity and social marginality for individuals so adopted. Within the child welfare and mental health professions, there are a variety of opinions on outcomes, based on personal experience and philosophy, as well as clinical practice. The results of research that primarily focuses upon African-American children adopted by Caucasian parents answers some questions and raises others. As with children in general, most interculturally-adopted children appear to be doing reasonably well, although they face issues and concerns that may be ignored or minimized. There is evidence that while most early-placed interculturally-adopted children do well through their elementary school years (although most experience prejudice, often unbeknownst to parents), many experience additional issues in adolescence. Counselors throughout the country, in programs similar to ours at the Adoption Resource Center of Children's Home Society of Washington, hear from parents of interculturally-adopted children and teens in numbers disproportionate to their small percentage of the population.

Nationally, statistics on numbers of domestic intercultural adoptions are unknown but are thought to be only a very small fraction of the total estimated 50,000 non-relative adoptions annually. International adoptions constitute about 10-15% of this national total. When our agency ran a statewide post-adoption services program from 1992-94, at least one-third of some 3,000 callers to our toll-free number were such families, representing both domestic and international placements.

Customary reasons that adoptive families may appear over-represented among those seeking mental health services also apply to intercultural adoptive families. It also may be that those parents who are open about adoption may be those most likely to seek services. Adoptive parents of children who have special needs or are interculturally-placed form the majority of most adoptive parents' groups, and thus have the most access to adoption education. Some of the motivations that lead families to adopt interculturally may also have a bearing on the parental factors necessary to help children build strong identities. General adoption issues need to be taken into account. Infertility now appears a frequent motivation for intercultural adoption. There is often a socioeconomic distinction between families adopting children in foster care (public sector adoption) and families adopting children privately (either independently or through wholly private agencies). Most private sector adoptions have become very costly.

For Caucasians, higher income levels tend to correlate to living in less-diverse communities. For the adoptive parents, and those who serve them in some private sector adoption services, placement practice may include elements of "rescue" and "color blindness" as well as a service or business orientation. Perhaps because of the controversies surrounding intercultural placements, general societal taboos about honestly discussing race, as well as the lack of experience and training of many of those who work in the adoption and mental health fields about racial, ethnic, and intercultural matters, services in this area have been slow to develop. Most adoption agencies do not offer post-placement services, and many adoptions now take place outside of agencies. The few programs that do exist typically focus on historic or symbolic aspects of race, ethnicity and culture.

These activities are important and particularly appropriate for young children. Few programs look at the issues and process of racial/ethnic identity development. A growing body of experience indicates that a realistic goal for healthy development of interculturally-adopted people is to become bicultural to some degree. This means that such an individual is able to function both within mainstream society and as a member of his or her racial/ethnic group or groups. The way that adopted persons become bicultural is different than that of peers who are raised by same-heritage families. The idea is not to replicate the latter, but to create a healthy situation where dual heritages can flourish. There are also special situations in adoption that deserve attention, such as the identity concerns of biracial and multiethnic children; international adoptions in general and those of older-placed children from overseas, including children who have spent long periods in institutions; and adopted children with siblings who are their parents' genetic offspring. As long as race matters in this country, there is an imperative for intercultural adoptive parents to raise bicultural children, to help them avoid becoming marginalized people with major identity difficulties.

What Parents Can Do

Parents can do a great deal to help their interculturally-adopted children become bicultural. Prior to adopting, parents can go through a process of self-examination and education (hopefully facilitated by placement workers) regarding their decision and steps that they may take to enhance family life. Consideration of place of residence, friends and neighbors, available schools and community activities, houses of worship, health and grooming needs, and language issues are all relevant. Parents can teach their child correct terminology about his or her own heritage and can create an atmosphere where all issues related to race are discussed openly.

Interculturally-adopted children need to see themselves reflected in the greater community both literally and figuratively. Parents can bring culturally-appropriate dolls, toys, books, art and music into their homes to provide positive images of their children's heritage. Frequently, Caucasian parents may feel that this is all that is needed. In fact, using artifacts and educational approaches is only part of the process. More important are the nonverbal messages that children pick up from who enters the family's living room. Parents may need to stretch beyond their usual comfort zone so that they can form intercultural relationships in the community in a natural way. This is also an important reason, when possible, to maintain ongoing contact with the child's birth family or former foster parents.

Group Activities

While adoptive family support groups play a vital role, parents also may want to seek out general interracial family groups as well as racial- and ethnic-based community groups. Depending on the interests of the parents, and later, those of the child, there are an array of civic, ethnic, recreational, sports, arts, music, cultural, educational, religious, political and anti-bias groups to choose from. It can be difficult for European-American parents without experience to make connections with members of diverse groups. Often the help of a cultural bridge person (someone who has a foot in both worlds) can be sought out. Some of the most successful experiences of intercultural adoptive parent groups have been through group-to-group activities, with heritage-specific groups, that have enabled long-term ties to develop and through which some families have developed friendships. When adopted children are reluctant to become involved in ethnic-specific activities (often true when parents make their first attempt during adolescence) parents can and should participate alone. Their involvement also sends a message.

Parents may also seek out activities for their children that are not part of cultural education programs, but which represent children's interests outside of school (scouting, sports, music, church groups), and that have a high level of participation of children of a specific, or diverse, racial/ethnic group and similar social class. Such programs are easiest to find in diverse communities. It becomes difficult to form or maintain friendships when long commutes are necessary and the result can be a situation that feels artificial to the child. It is also hard to sustain the logistical efforts over the years.

When seeking activities for children themselves, parents need to become aware of avoiding "tourist parenting" that focuses on symbolic or ceremonial aspects of culture often through visits to special events, but not on contact with contemporary people going about their daily lives. Many adoption groups offer culture camps, which are a useful adjunct to year-round involvement with ethnic-related activities, but alone cannot fill the bill for identity development tasks. Holiday celebrations, special events, and museum exhibits all have their merits. More important are relationships that develop in the natural context of community. In some locales, mentoring programs may be available.

Conclusion

As we move into the 21st Century, intercultural adoptive families will continue to be a visible part of the increasingly diverse fabric of American society. While most child welfare and mental health professionals see benefits in same-heritage placements, today we also know that intercultural placements are viable if appropriate planning and supports are available. All children in care will benefit from improved permanency planning. The social and political factors surrounding such placements cannot be ignored, as they are an integral backdrop to the process of building biculturality into family life. The continued existence of racism and inequality need to be faced head-on by parents working to raise children in times when youth are seriously at-risk in our country. Increased attention to the unique issues connected to adoption, as well as to children's racial and ethnic identity development needs by parents and those who work with them, will go a long way to promote optimal mental health for the interculturally adopted children who will become tomorrow's adults.

Joan D. Ramos, M.S.W., Counselor, Adoption Resource Center, Children's Home Society of Washington

Common Transracial Parenting Mistakes

7 Common Transracial Parenting Mistakes

Transracial adoption may present challenges that can lead to a rewarding family experience. Persons who live in a family where more than one culture is valued and practiced will have an advantage in adapting to our increasingly global society. Population projections indicate that by the year 2020, every person in the United States will live or work with persons of another background, and approximately half of all marriages will be bi-cultural or biracial.

Transracial adoptions are not a new phenomenon despite increased publicity over the past few years. Informal and formal transracial adoptions have occurred for centuries all around the world. However, misconceptions about transracial adoption persist. For example, current thinking suggests that to raise a child who can cope with prejudice and have a positive racial identity, parents must be of the same racial group. This is contrary to my own 20-year experience as a therapist and from reports I have received from other therapists. The vast majority of children we see who have identity and behavior problems are being raised by same-race parents and are living in their own cultural community. More than anything this suggests parenting is an art, not hard science.

Although I believe that being of the same race is helpful, but not required, to raise a child with a positive racial identity, as an African-American psychologist who specialized in psychotherapy with adoptive families, I have observed that parents of transracially adopted children commonly have problems related to the following seven issues:

1. Focusing only on racial/cultural differences

Openly acknowledging differences is important, of course, but too often parents only discuss differences with their recognition of similarities, including shared likes, dislikes, common interests, personality traits, temperament, gender, spirituality and elements of family culture, including shared beliefs, traditions, rituals, and celebrations. There are many universal mediums such as music, that all groups share. BONDING BETWEEN PARENT AND CHILD IS REINFORCED BY SIMILARITIES. While being of different races may seem to constitute a big difference, according to a study in Discover Magazine, race accounts for less than 1 percent of the characteristics of a racial group. In that study, researchers compared physical characteristics among various racial groups and found that the statistical difference in any one characteristic (ie: lip size, hair texture, finger prints, etc.) was less than 1 percent.

2. Accepting racism or stereotypes as a reason for underachievement or bad behaviour

Particularly when parents focus on differences, some transracially adopted children use racism or cultural expectations to explain poor choices they have made. For example, a child who feels he or she is being treated differently by a teach may use that as an excuse for doing poorly in that teacher’s class, or a child who wants an expensive athletic jersey or jacket with his or her favorite athlete’s name on it may use racial stereotypes or issues of cultural acceptance to persuade parents that he or she needs the item.

In situations where a child is being treated differently, parents should intervene. However, the child must still be held accountable for his or her work and responsibilities. I am not aware of any culture that condones disrespectful behavior, swearing, smoking, etc., and while many groups across society wear athletic clothing, no culture describes wearing it as a cultural preference or characteristic.

To assess the child’s claim of disparate treatment, parents should consider the child’s level of responsibility at home and apply this to school and other environments. The single most important factor is the child’s character. Parents must first look at objective evidence (ie: test scores, completed assignments, etc.), then proceed to assess subjective evidence such as reports from other adults or kids and their child’s complaints. When the evidence confirms that your child has been responsible, but has not been treated the same as other children, then you have disparate treatment, which is racism.

3. Overindulging the child

Out of fear of being labeled inadequate, many parents of transracially adopted children tend to over-react to their child’s wants and needs. While children should get all that they need for healthy growth and development, they shouldn’t get everything they want. Many parents, however, provide excess gifts and toys, too many structured activities, or too much entertainment; or they over respond to their child’s every emotion. Children given too many of these “extras” often become self-centered and have difficulty coping with life’s usual frustrations.

4. Allowing others to intrusively touch or violate the child’s boundaries

Out of fear of disapproval, some parents refrain from telling others not to touch or excessively compliment their child. Some people experience anxiety when they encounter racial differences between a parent and child, and they over-react to mask their discomfort. Typically, such people react by touching the child’s hair or repeatedly commenting on his or her attractiveness, responses they do not present to birth children. Children often report feeling “like a puppy” when this happens. Birth siblings report feeling ignored or unimportant. In such situations, parent must assertively but gently set limits—even if they offend the person giving the unwanted attention. Caucasian parents have reported to me that simply saying something like, “Thank you. I think all children are beautiful, but please do not touch my child’s hair,” or “Sorry, but I don’t allow anyone to touch her hair” works well. Children do not have the ability to stand up for themselves at such times.

5. Not embracing diversity

Transracially adopted children should have frequent exposure to people of various backgrounds to gain a sense that it is okay to be different. The family must become bicultural and practice at least some of the child’s ethnic heritage. Celebrating Kwanzaa or sending the child to Korean camp once a year will not be sufficient exposure to develop a positive racial identity. The home must reflect ethnic symbols, and cultural education should be a frequent topic of family conversation and frequent focus of family activities.

The cultural focus should be for the family’s benefit, not for the child alone. Becoming bicultural means integrating at least one additional culture into the family’s lifestyle and culture. If all family members receive a “cultural education,” the child will not feel different. Having at least one monthly family event (ethnic dinner, video celebration, etc.) is helpful, but complement this with conversation several times a week (concepts such as attractiveness, success, and community need to be challenged and broadened in family conversation) and daily exposure through symbols around the house (e.g. books, art, etc.). Anytime cultural education is focused on the child alone, it may become distancing and have a negative effect.

6. Not challenging racism

Racism today is less aggressive and tends to be “invisible” in the forms of attitude, voice tone, body language and posture, or institutional practices. Parents must be alert to disparate treatment and advocate on their child’s behalf. Racism should be a family and community concern that is communicated as harmful to everyone.

7. Accepting Powerlessness

Out of fear of inadequacy, parents may adopt an attitude of powerlessness. They demonstrate this by second guessing themselves and delaying timely parenting decisions. Small issues often become large, and indecisive debates become harmful to the marital and parent-child relationships. The child may also experience confusion and feel unsupported. All children need to believe their parents are in charge and know what’s best for them.

Professionals continue to disagree on whether parent-child cultural identification or bonding is of prime importance in adoption. My opinion is that a healthy permanent family is superior to an institution or foster home in meeting a child’s emotional needs. I encourage all transracial adoptive parents to accept their own cultural and racial identification as a parenting strength and to put their energy into making the world a better place for us all to live in.

Willie B Garrett, Ed.D. (candidate) is an adoptive parent and licensed psychologist in St. Paul, Minnesota

Building Racial Identity

From the New York Times Magazine, February 14, 1999

LIVES by Jana Wolff

Black Unlike Me

When a white couple adopt an African-American boy, anonymous struggles become personal.

“I hate collars,” shouts my 7-year-old son into his mattress, where he has thrown himself, 20 minutes before we need to leave for school. I just woke him and we’re in the middle of a fight I can’t remember starting. It’s no surprise that a second-grade boy would prefer to wear an oversize sleeveless jersey – Chicago Bulls red, No. 23 – rather than a button-down shirt with a collar. But this is a school day, I explain to Ari, and you go to school not to play, but to learn.

I didn’t like the mini-sermon I felt coming on, but I couldn’t stop myself. I chose that moment to make the connection between collared shirts and racism to my black son. I said that it was really important for him to look his best and do his best because there were idiots in the world who actually thought that people with dark skin were not as clean, or as smart or s good as others. My son could prove them wrong on all counts.

Even before I finished, Ari crumbled before my eyes. From face down on his mattress, where he was trying to dig a cave under his blanket, came his muffled voice: “I hate this.” And I knew just what he meant. He has heard me talk about prejudice since he learned his colors at 2 ½: “People with pink skin aren’t always nice to people with brown skin.” Truth is, the beginnings of this dawn-hour diatribe started many years ago, when my husband and I adopted our infant son. That’s when I woke up from a deep, white sleep. Suddenly, racism, which had always existed outside my focus, became my focus. When children of color become your children, anonymous struggles become personal ones with names and faces that you know.

I wanted to walk out of Ari’s bedroom and go back in as if none of this had happened. But it was too late. I had already done that thing again. That thing that white parents who have black children do: We move from racially clueless to racially conscious in the most clumsy of ways, never turning off our radar or putting down our dukes. Then we pass along our loaded agendas to our children and scare them with an edginess that is characteristic of late learners. I jumped in to fight the battle against racism with an indignation that was earnest but not earned.

It must be very hard for a child to have, as tour guides, parents who are tourists themselves. The risk is that the culture being visited will be reduced to its souvenirs. All I have to do is look around Ari’s room—pass the clutter of Lego pieces, open books and plastic swords—to see my son’s life as a pathetic collection of props: the Michael Jordan poster on the wall; the knitted Senegalese cap hanging from the doorknob; the framed autograph of Tiger Woods by his bed. The process of becoming black must lie somewhere beyond ethnic tchotchkes like these. I’m just not sure where. Ari’s preference for peers over parents at this age gives me more satisfaction than most others experience as their young children mature. In looking toward his black friends for clues, he lands on the symbols that they value most, and he makes them his own. The day he got his hair cut exactly the way he wanted – a severe buzz on the sides with just enough hair left on top for the barber to carve a Nike swoosh—Ari walked out of that shop as if he had grown a foot taller. I had his buddies to thank for that boost.

I want to expand the ways for my son to be black, beyond cool haircuts and athletic heroes. The images of success in Ari’s bedroom invite him to aspire to narrowly defined black standards; I’d rather my son experience the white privilege of believing that there are no limitations on who he can be and what he can do. I want Ari to internalize truths that aren’t yet true: that to get straight A’s is a black thing; that to set a positive example is a black thing; that to be a success in any arena is a black thing. But you can’t decorate your room with these constructs. It dawned on me that morning that you can’t rely on collared shirts to ward off bigotry or enhance self-esteem. “It’s O.K. with me, Babe, if you wear a different shirt.” Ari started heading for the dresser, when I added that it couldn’t be sleeveless and it had to be clean. From the top drawer he pulled out an oversize black T-shirt with Grant Hill’s picture on it. Then he sped downstairs for breakfast before I could change my mind or bring up the subject of racial pride again.

It is with a mixture of sadness and relief that I’ve begun to understand this much: becoming black is an inside job—my son’s job. I can help by bringing black friends and customs and even props into our lives, but Ari’s evolution into a proud black man will occur largely outside the walls of our home. And most of his growing, I’m convinced, will happen well beyond the reach of my loving white arms.

Building Racial Identity:
Strategies and Practical Suggestions
by Beth Hall

General Approach:

It is important to teach your children that race is a fact of birth which no one has either chosen or earned; and that being a racist is both a state of mind and a choice. It is essential to train your children to recognize racism where it exists (not an easy task, since it also means training yourself). Talk about racism and point it out when you encounter it. Minimizing racism's place in life may unfortunately allow your children to feel responsible for racist behavior they have experienced; to believe that they have somehow done something to deserve it; or perhaps to believe that you think this could be the case.

Specific Strategies:

Look at the laundry list of your daily errands and life experiences. Whenever possible, choose to surround yourself with people of your child's race or with other people of color.
When choosing professionals such as doctors, dentists, lawyers, and so on, allow race to be a factor in your choice. It is essential that, wherever possible, you counterbalance our society's generally negative stereotypes of and expectations for people of color.
Schools are very important places for children. Whenever possible, choose a school attended by other children of color and by multiracial families, for this diversity always offers wonderful opportunities for familiarization and identification. When choosing extracurricular classes or lessons for your children, expose them to skills that will enhance their cultural competence. If they are learning to cook, then choose classes where they can cook the foods common to their ethnic heritage. Languages, art and sports: all can be chosen with an eye to building cultural competence and personal connections within your children's racial or ethnic group of origin.
When going to the mall, movies or a restaurant, drive those few extra miles if it means being somewhere frequented by other families of color. Your children benefit from every opportunity to observe and join in with others of their race, rather than always being the "only one" of color in a group; similarly, such experiences help to avoid the possibility that the only people of color whom they know are other adopted children with White parents.
When taking vacations or sending your children to summer camps and other recreational activities, choose places and experiences where they can be exposed to people of their own race. Particularly if you live in a predominantly White area, these may offer some of the rare opportunities for your child to be with and around people of color.
Groom your children so they look good all the time. Because of their membership in your family, they may be watched more carefully and judged more stringently by people from their own racial group(s). To give them the armor to feel good about themselves, help them to dress and groom themselves according to the "mainstream" styles of their own racial context rather than of yours. Many opportunities can be found; to offer just two possibilities, African American girls commonly wear long hair (avoiding short afros), oiled and combed (or brushed) daily and either worn up, braided or well-coifed; Latina girls often wear pierced ears from infancy. These physical manifestations not only become vehicles of good self-esteem but provide connecting links between them and other children of their race who are growing up in same-race homes.
Expose your children early and often to the history of "their" people. Don't shy away from the negative aspects of their history, for they need to understand the whole truth. Don't just give them facts - point out why and how these facts relate to them personally. And make sure you not only teach them yourself; whenever possible, let them hear from people of their own race so they can understand the pride and importance of this shared history and experience.
Hold out high expectations for your children. Skill-mastery becomes one of the strongest building blocks of self-esteem. Children of color often need the protection of personal success and accomplishment to counterbalance society's lowered or negative expectations. Communicate to your children your belief that they can be excellent at things for which they have talent and strength and that they can do well in all things to which they set their minds. They need to know that, while it takes hard work and great stamina to overcome difficult odds, this struggle is their legacy and they should not allow others' diminished expectations to limit their determination to achieve.
Give your children the social and interpersonal skills to act "appropriately" in their cultural context as well as in yours. In order to teach this lesson, you must first explore and recognize the differences between these two. Then you need to clarify for your children the difference between acceptable behavior within the home and safety of the family and acceptable public behavior. Children of color (and perhaps particularly those raised with White parents) are always scrutinized carefully and will be susceptible to harsh judgments from outsiders. If you and your children overlook this fact, then they will have a distinct disadvantage in their interactions with the world when you're not with them. Politeness and knowledge of appropriate social mores can go a long way to opening doors and relationships for our children.
Strengthening our children's sense of family identity and unity is essential to helping our children manage the challenges of transracial adoption. Developing and reinforcing family rituals is an important tool for creating this sense of family membership. Such rituals can help emphasize all the similarities among a family's members, without denying the differences. Seek opportunities to create rituals that clarify family membership. These family rituals, small or large, silly or somber, can become simple parts of your family's life and can come to define being a member of your family. They can involve things like eating family meals together at certain times during each week; having special family songs, inside jokes or conversations; or developing and maintaining ceremonies or traditions for certain events or holidays (innovative or traditional). There are millions that you can create together; whatever your family's special blend, they are important and essential tools to help both our children and ourselves feel like fully entitled members of our families.

To find out more about Pact, and the services they provide, visit PactAdopt.org, e-mail info@pactadopt.org, or call (866) 722-8257.

Building Racial Identity:
The Challenge of Religion
by Gail Steinberg

The oldest son, Gabriel Goldberg, holds his glass in the air with an awkward grace, praying not to be the one to spill wine on the starched white tablecloth...not again, not at this Seder. Though he chants the prayers respectfully, his eyes twinkle. He knows someone will spill something; it's part of the fun. His brothers and sisters, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins stand around the table, raising their glasses, repeating the ritual of the holiday as they have since his earliest memory, as they will probably do each year to come he imagines, as long as his parents are alive. He can't hear his own voice separate from the others. Soon there will be a purple puddle in the middle of the table. "Never mind," Mom will say. "No problem," Dad will soothe. This is what it means to be part of his family. Passover is his favorite holiday. Soon he will have three matzoh balls, light as air, floating in his chicken soup.

Gabe, who is eighteen, is Korean. He was adopted at the age of three. He can't imagine being in his family and not being Jewish. The Goldbergs practice their religion around the dinner table. Holidays are mandatory events. But outside the front door, Gabe does not feel like a Jew.

In the synagogue, people stare. He doesn't look Jewish. No other Korean Jews attend services. When he visited a church with a mostly Asian congregation, he didn't feel as if he belonged there, either. He didn't know the rules. He felt like an outsider Ñ though he loved looking like the others. Now that he's a young adult, he thinks maybe he just isn't meant to be a religious sort of person. Holiday traditions are great, but for him they are about being part of his family, not about being spiritually connected. He hates to attend services in the synagogue.

The challenge of religion for transracially-adopted people is having a dual identity in the context of religion. Dual identity means encompassing both the heritage of the adoptive family and the heritage of the birth family. But many religions expect complete allegiance: that is, one is discouraged from belonging to two religions at once.

Logically, anyone who believes there is one true path to God cannot embrace two religions at once and may not experience conflict. For others, a choice is implied between the religion in which one is raised as part of one's adoptive family, the religion of one's birth heritage, the religion society expects one to be part of because of race, and/or the religion one might choose for oneself. Whenever you are forced to chose between one thing and another, the logical consequence is that you will lose the one you did not embrace. If Gabriel Goldberg, for example, began to practice Buddhism along with Judaism, his family might feel he was renouncing Judaism. Since, in their practice, religious traditions are family rituals, this might be seen as renouncing the family as well. Such a potential loss might make religion, in whatever form, too conflict-ridden, pushing him toward the conclusion that "he just isn't meant to be a religious sort of person."

One of the things that makes a family feel connected is worshipping together. No one questions whether children who are born into a family are of the religion of their parents. Should the way one enters a family make a difference? The birthright of adopted children is the right to full membership in the family they grow up within. Being adopted means having a dual identity, the heritage of the birth family and the heritage of the adoptive family. If parents withhold their religion from their children, it is likely to become a barrier between them, a barrier that can make the child feel s(he) holds second-class membership in the family circle. Holding back in an area vested with history and importance is a way of keeping children outside the inner family circle. It does not serve them. We need to entitle adopted children to share all that their parents are. It is a disservice to lock them out of any family traditions. It means they are not full members of the family. Imagine this :

Gabriel Goldberg hates Passover. From his room, he can hear his brothers and sisters, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins at the table, laughing and chanting. He is excused from the ritual because he was not born a Jew. It is one of the worst nights of the year for Gabe. His stomach hurts and he feels cold. Not even the bowl of chicken soup brought by his mother can warm him up.

It is a common characteristic of families who adopt transracially that they identify with a religion but are not devout believers. Such parents frequently wonder if they should raise their child within their faith if it is different from that of the child's birth parents, or if they can allow the child to have a different religion from the other members of the adoptive family. If there are several adopted children, should each one have their own religion? If this were possible, could it be managed by parents of yet a different religion? For true believers, these are not valid questions. For the good of their children, they must teach them to follow the path they believe to be true.

Parents who adopt transracially are often encouraged to worship in a church where people of the child's racial background are in the majority, whether the service meets the adoptive families spiritual traditions or not. The church is seen as an important support base for the child, a place for the child to experience being part of the majority, the goal to keep the child from being deprived of the spiritual community (s)he was born into. In theory, this makes perfect sense. In practice, it may create a double bind. Unless the belief systems are in accord and the only question is finding a location at which to worship, there may be inherent conflict. Different belief systems are not interchangeable. If the religion of the adoptive parents prohibits them from worshipping in a church other than their own, they simply cannot take their child to any other congregation. What if the parents are uncomfortable at a particular church but attend anyway for the sake of the children? Will the children be able to feel comfortable or will family loyalty keep them from participating fully? If they feel comfortable attending services outside their faith, but only as observers, not participants, what kind of model are they creating for the child? Sending children off to church by themselves would probably not work, but sometimes close friends of extended family can take children when parents cannot, in good conscience, attend.

Gabe began to protest going to services as soon as he got old enough to say no. He said, more than anywhere else, he hated being stared at in the synagogue where he had grown up. "It felt worse to experience racial bias in a place where I should have been immune Ñ a spiritual sanctuary ...but not for me," he said.

If the religion of the adoptive parents is not one that usually associated with the child's race, the child may not ever feel fully included by the other members of the congregation; rather, a constant curiosity. Parents need to understand how the child is being received within their own religious environment. Though parents may imagine that their children share their parents' experiences, in a race-conscious society this is extremely unlikely. The child may have difficulty participating because (s)he continually feels set apart, never fully accepted.

One tool available to adoptive parents is a working knowledge of the religion(s) common to people of the child's race. Without attempting to profess membership in an unfamiliar religion, a parent can nonetheless become familiar with the traditions, teachings, and social significance of the religion(s) which society might associate with the child as a matter of race. As with all important life issues, knowledge is power. Education goes a long way toward providing feelings of competency and comfort in approaching difficult issues. It is an advantage to any individual to know more about practices, structures, and the history of things that may come up in one's interactions with others.

As with all complex parenting issues, perhaps the best advice is to strive to understand and value the child's experiences and perceptions. The power of adoption is in honoring differences among family members while celebrating the things which make the family belong together. The solution for Gabe Goldberg and his family is to practice religious traditions together within their home and to respect the different roads each family member might take in approaching the outside community. It's not a perfect solution, but for one family, it works.

To find out more about Pact, and the services they provide, visit PactAdopt.org, e-mail info@pactadopt.org, or call (866) 722-8257.

Books On Transracial Adoption

Adopting a Black Child: Family Experiences of Inter-Racial Adoption, by Barbara Jackson.

Adopting from Different Cultures for Perspective Parents: What It Really Means!, by Anna D. Friedler

Adoption, Race & Identity: From Infancy Through Adolescence, by Rita J. Simon & Howard Altstein

All Our Families: New Policies for a New Century, by Mary A. Mason, Arlene Skolnick & Stephen D. Sugarman

Best Interest of the Child: Transracial Placement Re-Examined, by Jane Aldridge

Bird Without Feathers, by Michael & Karen Derzack

Birthmarks: Transracial Adoption in Contemporary America, by Sandra Patton

Different & Wonderful: Raising Black Children in a Race-Conscious Society, by Darlene & Derek Hopson

Ethnicity & Childcare Placements, by Peter M. Smith & David Berridge

Exploring the World of Trans-Racial Adoption, by Janelle Peterson

Gift Children: A Story of Race, Family & Adoption in a Divided America, by J. Douglas Bates

Her Special Hair, by Cheri King

In the Best Interests of the Child: Culture, Identity & Transracial Adoption, by Ivor Gaber & Jane Aldridge

In Their Own Voices: Transracial Adoptees Tell Their Stories. Rita James Simon & Rhonda Roorda

Indian Child Welfare Act Handbook, The: A Legal Guide to the Custody & Adoption of Native American Children, by B.J. Jones

Inside Transracial Adoption, by Gail Steinberg & Beth Hall

Inter-country Adoption of Indian Children: Law & Practice

International & Transracial Adoptions: A Mental Health Perspective, by Christopher Bagley

Of Many Colors: Portraits of Multiracial Families, by Gigi Kaeser & Peggy Gillespie

Permanent Family Placement for Children of Minority Ethnic Origin, by June Thoburn, Liz Norford, & Steven Parvez Rashid

Preserving the Cultural Legacy: Black Adoption Placement & Research Center, by Marjorie Beggs

The Case for Transracial Adoption, by Rita J. Simon

Transracial Adoption: Children and Parents Speak, by Constance Pohl

Transracial Adoption & Foster Care: Practice Issues for Professionals, by Joseph Crumbley

Transracial & Interracial Adoptees: The Adolescent Years, by Ruth G. McRoy & Louis A. Zurcher

Difference Matters

By Heather Lerminiaux, LICSW

“Is she your real sister?” How many times did I hear that question and wonder why the precious relationship that I had with my sister had to be defined and defended? Growing up in a family created and connected by birth and adoption offered many opportunities to wonder about differences. My family is different. We share a family history. We are adopted, not adopted, Caucasian, bi-racial, sensitive, social, quiet, intelligent, simple and complicated.

I have experienced what it means to be different based on how my family looks. I remember bringing new friends home and watching them look at y sibling, look at me, look at my mom an then listening to, “Wow, I can’t wait to see your Dad.” It was an awkward and often painful reminder to me that we were not accepted for who we were and what we looked like. We were different.

Our family looked different during a time in which adoption was talked about very little and understood even less. No one told us that these differences were “okay.” As a social worker, family therapist and a person with racially different siblings, I have learned that difference is simply difference, but that difference matters. Diversity is both strength and a resource. Trying to ignore, deny or hide them does not work, differences should be celebrated.

I have found it helpful to:

Find supportive and understanding adults. Adults may be role models who can answer questions for children and help them sort out some of the confusion.

Find a secret code language. My sister and I have heard “Is she your real sister?” many times. We no longer get defensive. We have fun with the questions. “No, my sister doesn’t look more like our father or our mother.” And we leave it at that.

Pay attention to the roles assumed by family members, based on their place in the family. Birth order matters. Who is the caretaker? Who is the baby? What do those roles mean for each child? Growing up as the caretaker meant that I felt a responsibility for the perceived hurts of my siblings.

Talk! Talk! Talk! Find ways to understand and feel comfortable with being different. Make connections to the adoption community. Knowing that your family is not the only “different family” can be supportive in itself. We did not now how to even express what it felt like to be different. Finding others like us has helped me better understand what it means to be a member of an adoptive family.

Now whenever I am asked, “Is she your real sister?” I smile to myself and know that our connection couldn’t be more real! Celebrating our differences has been an important lesson for me.