Interviewing and Verifying Birthmoms Remember: There is NO way to be absolutely sure about the intent and plans of a prospective birthparent. Even agencies can only do what they can do to verify a woman's intent. Unfortunately, that's one of the risks in adoption! Questions to Ask a Prospective Birthmom-you do not need to ask all of these questions in the same conversation! What is she looking for in adoptive parents? Stay-at-home mom? Professional family, education levels, where you live (city, town, suburbs, rural?), Religious affiliation, family relationships, other children in home, etc. How does your family fit her expectations? Is there a location preference (proximity to where she lives)? How open does she want the adoption--her expectations? Has she spoken with an attorney, agency or other adoption professional? What are her needs? Financial? Medical? Emotional? Is this her first baby? If not, what has been her previous experience in childbirth/pregnancy? Race/Nationality of baby, birthparents. Any racial preference on her part for the adoptive parents? Does she have a good support team? What are her reasons for choosing adoption? What is her pre-natal care situation? Has she had care to this point? Due date? Any problems? Last Doctor's visit? Health insurance? Any drugs, alcohol, smoking during pregnancy? Before? Any other health issues? Her age, personal and family history of health issues (and that of the birthfather). What is her birth plan? Does she know where she wants to have the baby? How much contact at that time? Does she want you there? Does she want to stay at "home" or travel to you? What state does she live in?--Verify state laws on adoption.
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Steps to an adoption - If you use an adoption professional, many times they will take care of most of this. Complete a birthmother Questionnaire and family history. Birthmother signs a medical release of information, then arranges for her doctor to directly fax Proof of Pregnancy & pregnancy status to you or your adoption professional. Meet with the birthmother / birthfather and discuss adoption plans. Find out what their expectations are and, share yours. Birthmother and adopting parents meet with attorney or professional for legal understanding and discussion of any expenses. Birthmother and adopting parents write up an agreed Adoption Plan and sign it. It's prudent to have an attorney involved at this point. This is a legal, binding document. Birthmother and adopting parents agree to pre- & post-adoption counseling, if required by law. This can be included in the agreement. Relinquish baby at time of birth. There may be Interstate Compact issues, differing times in different states as to when relinquishment is final and binding. Birthmother and adopting parents complete adoption as agreed upon in Adoption Agreement. Remember, you are bound, by law, to follow agreed upon openness--letters, pictures, visits, etc. | ||||||
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Verification and Cautions Always use a licensed adoption agency, lawyer or facilitator. Check references!!! Check with the Better Business Bureau. Search online for complaints about any particular adoption professional. Check the laws in your state as to the legality of facilitators. Only give money through / to a licensed adoption professional. Never give money directly to a birth mother. This could risk the placement as illegal and you can lose custody. Get proof of pregnancy. This will protect you against scams. You should be able to obtain this through their doctor, not just the birthmom. She should be willing to give you the name of her healthcare professional--and make sure they are really a doctor by verifying them, as well. You can do a background check on a birthmom or attorney, facilitator or agency. Remember, she can (should?) do the same for you. You are going to be raising her child and she may want to know as much about you as she can find out! She needs to be as cautious as you do!! Birthmother Warning Signs - all of these do NOT mean she is scamming, but are cautions! If a Birthmother does not make available proof or pregnancy or other requested documents, always has a reason for not sending you identifying information, a sudden miscarriage or hospitalization if you start asking for more detailed information, are all signs of a scam, or at least an uncooperative birthmom. The birth mom cannot be reached on the phone or you cannot verify her address. She will only call you. Use your caller ID or 411.com to verify her number. You can verify addresses at usps with her zip code. The birth mom has several crisis' or emergencies. She may drops hints that she needs money for food, rent, payments or other needs. She does not know who the birth father is. Her story keeps changing - circumstances of adoption, desires for adoption plan, etc. Most real birth moms want you to come to them. They want you to buy plane tickets for them so they can cash it in later. Twins or a girl are very "desirable' for adoptive parents! Often this is the case for many scammers. She misses or breaks several scheduled talks or meetings with legitimate sounding excuses. She will not give you real names. She is vague. She gets quiet when you bring up topics like lawyers or signing away parental rights. These are sensitive topics, but she is avoiding them.
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Adopting Older Children | Adoption Plan/Contract | Adoptive Breastfeeding | After Adoption | Appropriate Adoption Language | Are We Ready to Adopt? | Attachment Issues | Books on Adoption | Choosing an Agency/Facilitator/Attorney | Creating a Family Website | Cross-Culture Adoption | Developing a Dear Birthmother Letter/Website | Developing a Relationship with your Child's Birthparents | Fostercare | ICPC | Internet Guidelines | Parenting | Placement Risk Factors | Preparing For A Homestudy | Subsidies | Transracial Adoption | Verifying / Interviewing Birthmothers | ||||||