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Developing a Dear Birthmother Letter or Website

Online Seminar Home Reaching Beyond: A Birthmother’s View on Writing a

Adoptive Families Home Great Dear Birthmother Letter- from Courtney A 'MUST

Nurture Adopt Home read'!

There are lots of things that are great to include in your Dear Birthmother letter or website, and there are many things that are better left unsaid or worded very carefully.

GUIDELINES:

Things NOT to do:

1. I/we know how you feel.

2. I/we know how hard this is.

3. I/we know this is a hard decision.

4. This is such an important decision-she knows that far better than the adoptive parents do! If you had to read that near the beginning of every profile, it gets a bit irritating.

5. Do not include your phone number, last names, address or other personal identifying information.

What TO do:

1. If you feel you need to say something along the lines of understanding this is hard....(Something to the effect of) There is no way we can possibly understand how hard this is for you.

2. Be yourself. There isn't a perfect family. Each birthmother is looking for her own "family style". You don't have to be thin and beautiful, live in a big, beautiful house, etc. Maybe she is a bit heavy and wants to find someone like her, or maybe weight isn't an important issue at all. A big house may intimidate her or it may impress her. A simple, well-kept home may be what she wants for her child. Some birthmothers want a religious family, some want a not-too-religious family. If something is important to you, include it. One family was chosen by a birthmom because she had always wanted a dog, and this adoptive family had a dog. You never know what will catch a birthmother's attention.

3. Pictures. Include pictures in your website. Create a "scrapbook", only 3-4 pages, of your family, your home (you don't need a picture of every room!), etc. Make scrapbook pages to add to your profile to send to birthmothers/agencies/ facilitators with your Dear Birthmother letter. It's good to show family activities. If you have several children, it's important to let them know the children get personal time with parents.

4. If you can add some music to your site, it is often a nice touch.

5. Try to keep your letter fairly concise, about 1 page is good. She may be looking at 10-50 profiles, or more. If it takes you 3 pages to give her a feel of what you are like, she will never get that far and go on to the next one.

6. Put your personality into your letter and your pictures.

7. If you have previously adopted children, it's good to include the openness of your relationship with the other birthmom(s). You can also include what you hope for in your relationship with her, leaving it open to her input and decision.

8. Personally sign your letters with your first names.

Dear Birthmother Letters.org

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