There are many pro's and con's to adopting older children. Life would be wonderful if it was a fairy-tale world, the child is being adopted because his parents suddenly died in a car crash and there is no family to take him. Healthy, well-adjusted, no abuse or neglect, wonderful, well-behaved, well-mannered child. Nice thought. Now, the trauma of losing one's parents suddenly is traumatic, but can be understood, grieved, and healed in a loving, nurturing home. How often does that really happen? I personally don't know of any cases.

Older children are being adopted because of familial loss--due to neglect, abuse, death, jail, abandonment, etc. There is usually some kind of abuse or neglect. In an orphanage, they just don't get family time and affection and nurturing. There are always issues, many times behavioral problems, eating problems, academic problems, developmental delays, etc. Education is your best friend. Love is essential, as are patience, fortitude, commitment, good medical and therapy resources. Read. Read. Read. Learn as much as possible about attachment issues, bonding, acting out behaviors, stress on your marriage, discipline problems, and anything and everything else you can find relating to these wonderful, but challenging children. Your best defense is a good offence. Be prepared. Most of these kids are good kids and just need some love, guidance, discipline and respect. They need someone to help them through the grieving process, and anything else they are carrying with them.

No bottles and diapering (well, maybe pull-ups and bedding changing for bed-wetters), no gates on the stairs, no cribs, highchairs, swings, carseats, etc. Wonderful. Most of the time they can actually talk to you and tell you when something hurts or they are sad or angry--well, most of the time, if they will..

More To Come...