Introduction

An unexpected pregnancy brings with it a myriad of emotions, concerns, fears and questions.  Are you alone?  Is the father around?  Do you have family that will support you emotionally?  How do you get medical care?  Can you continue to work or go to school?  Parenting? Adoption?  Abortion?

We don’t believe in sugar-coating things much, as we feel it does a disservice to parents considering adoption.  We will tell it like it is.  We are not trying to scare you into placing or parenting.  Both choices are very difficult. 

At Nurture Adopt, we are unashamedly pro-life.  If you choose abortion, we will direct you to some post-abortion support.  Most women who have an abortion are left with emotional scars much deeper and longer lasting than the physical scars.  Support and possibly counseling is very important.

So, we present 2 choices.  Parenting.  Adoption.  We feel it is very important to talk through your options with a counselor.  Whether you choose parenting or adoption, there will be hard days in the future, days you will question your choice.  Both choices will take a lot of love.  Both choices will take a lot of support.

You need to explore your parenting options.  There are financial considerations, emotional considerations, daycare, medical care, emotional support, family support.  As you explore each of these areas, hopefully you will be able to get a better feel about if parenting is your best option.

You need to explore your adoption options.  You will have the ability to determine the criteria of the family you may choose to adopt your baby.  You have the ability to decide how much openness you would like after placement.  You would receive counseling and support to help you through the tough days ahead. 

One of the most difficult decisions to make prior to placement is choosing a family.  You will be given a list of factors to consider.  Ideally, you will find a family that meets all of your wishes.  This will include race, religion, location, number of children, how long they have been married, if they have other adopted children, etc.  Realistically, finding a family that meets ALL of your wishes doesn’t happen as often as we all would like.  As you review this list with the social worker or counselor, emphasize the things that are most important.  Frequently, expectant parents want a family of the same race as the child.  Sometimes that isn’t possible.  Decide what is most important to you and go from there.  Sometimes issues that you feel are most important fade to the background when you find a family that doesn’t quite match, but you feel good about or just “know” is the right family.

The more open and honest you are with the counselor, the better able we are to make sure things go positively for you.  We understand you may not know what you want.  We understand that you may change your mind 50 times.  We are not here to pressure you, but to help you figure out what you want and how to do it.  Most women want to parent, but that is not always the best thing for her or the baby and an adoption plan is made.  When the hard final decision comes, we will be there to help you remember why you decided to make an adoption plan in the first place—but the final decision is ultimately yours before you sign the papers.

The more honest you are about birthfather issues, the smoother the process will go.  Quite frequently, the dads are left out of the whole process and just get told to sign relinquishment papers.  Sometimes they just want to be part of the process.  There are times this is NOT the best thing for anyone involved, so talking about your relationship and the dad’s reaction to the pregnancy is important so we know best how to approach him and facilitate a smooth relinquishment process, if placing is what you have decided to do.

We have collected some materials on adoption.  We try to present the good and hard parts of adoption so you can get a well-rounded understanding of what it is like to place a child for adoption.  Not every adoption situation is perfect.  Occasionally an adoptive couple will divorce or a spouse will pass away.  Occasionally, there are unfortunate things like abuse.  We tend to hear about the bad adoption placements and forget what a small percentage those types of situations are.  As adoption professionals, we do our best to screen families before allowing a placement in their homes, but we are not perfect, and people can change.  There are no guarantees either, if you decide to parent, that keeping your child would be better.  Statistics are that couples that adopt are less likely to divorce and there is a smaller percentage of abuse in adoptive homes than homes where there are only biological children, so even though these things do exists in adoptive homes, it is less likely than biological homes.

As you probably will get tons of “advice” and options for parenting, we are presenting the adoption side here.  If you need more information about parenting, please contact us and we will get you some information.

There are so many things to consider.  Hopefully you have enough time before the birth of your baby, to review these materials, have time to think about it, talk with the counselor and those who will support you in your decisions.

Nurture Adopt

Back | Next Page  | Options Index | Expectant Parent Home | Articles