"Sacrifice"

 

It's hard not to replay in my mind each day the sacrifice I seemed to have to make,

the harsh reality of a life relinquished; the choice I made- and now the road I must further take.

 

A child within me only months after losing the child I so desperately wanted to have stay,

fighting a battle within my heart and mind to raise this child- finding the strength and making a way.

 

Living the pain every moment for a child I surrendered- giving up my right to rarely touch and see,

then the realization I must be strong and fight the emptiness for the life that truly depends on me.

 

Knowing full well the child within me can never replace the child I just had to give away,

coming to terms with the journey I face-knowing I so desperately have to make the life within me stay.

 

My mind wanders to the years ahead when as a mother I have to answer their questions- meeting their needs,

listening to their thoughts and questions on me- praying they don't come to me with hearts that bleed.

 

If my children knew the love I have inside me and realize it is in great sacrifice that I make,

there is an abundant love for both my children- a road traveled in love I will always take.

 

Britney Michelle Neilson

November 2003