I could choose to cloud my thoughts- crying a river- dwelling on all that could or might have been,

trying to reason once more in my mind-- how if I just had it to do once more- I could just do it again.

 

I could cry myself to sleep each night by choosing to never heal my wounded heart,

to let my relinquishment so define me that I lose sight of all the roles that set me apart.

 

I could forget any other role I had by focusing so much on the role that seems to have such a high cost,

being a mother to the child I surrendered is not all that makes me and not all I've lost.

 

I could forget more roles make up this woman- birthmother is but one in the many roles carried every day,

if birthmother was the only role I carried- how could I possibly find healing- and God's way?

 

I could choose to cloud my thoughts and cry a river- dwelling on all that could or might have been,

instead I seek peace and walk the road to healing- knowing God will always be there when my tears fall again and again.

 

Britney Neilson

October 2003.