Here is my story:

 

     I had just turned 18 years old in 1987, and just graduated high school when I discovered that I was pregnant.  Panic immediately set in, as I was raised a strict Baptist, and this kind of thing just didn't happen to girls raised this way.  Abortion was not an option for me, and I myself, am adopted, and didn't want my child to have to search for me as I am doing now for my birth family.  No one said anything about open adoption, it never crossed my mind as a possibility.  I never got any counseling or any other outside help or support.

 

     I had only been dating the father of the baby for a short while, so both of us just kind of ignored the pregnancy for a few months.  We were young, and didn't want to face the decisions we had to make.  When I was six months along my parents finally found out about my pregnancy.  My parents were very disappointed in me for the mistake I had made. They told me they supported me in any decision I made, but I felt like the only decision I had was to keep my baby.  I had "made my bed, and needed to lie in it".    I was the shame of the family and the church. It was up to me to "make it right".  It was a very rough time for me and I have mentally blocked a lot of that time frame out of my head.

 

     I ended up having my son and living with my parents for a couple of months to get on my feet.  The father of my son and I were still together, and we started talking about getting married to "right" the situation.  I tried to tell him that I didn't want him to marry me just because of our child, that I wanted him to love me for me, and to spend the rest of our lives together.  That's what marriage means to me, and that's how I was raised.

     We ended up getting married when our son was four months old.  We thought we were in love and that we were making the situation right.  I thought, at least, I would make everyone happy that I married the father of my baby, and this "shameful" situation would be dissolved.

 

      We tried to keep it together for ten long, agonizing years filled with verbal and eventually physical abuse. Almost every argument ended with him screaming at me that he "made it right by me", and that I trapped him because I kept our child.  Our son has witnessed a lot, and now we, as his parents, are paying the repercussions for our decisions and our actions when we were so young.  Our son is an angry teen, and vents his anger on both of us.  We've moved on with our lives and both have new spouses, but our son struggles on a daily basis.  He is bitter and heartbroken that his parents weren't mature enough to make the right decisions for him. He holds a chip on his shoulder.  We've been in counseling and he's had anger management classes.  I would do anything for my son, but I feel that we failed him in some ways.

 

     If I had to do it all over again, I would seek counseling and seriously consider ALL my options before I made a decision. I would have taken more time in making my decision.  Any decision is life altering, so looking out for your unborn child should be your priority.  Make sure you look at the big picture, not just the present one. 

 

Thank you for this opportunity to share my story,

 

Sharon