Adoption Myths

 I have been involved in the adoption community for 6 years now.  One of the things I find alarming is that the non-adoption world sees the adoption world differently than we see it, or than it really is.  There are certain myths that the rest of the world sees in us.  Adoptive parents are desperate, sad, money waving, baby buyers.  All we care about is getting a baby, often a healthy white baby, and anyone who adopts other than a healthy white baby was even more desperate, or did not have the money for the HW infant, or are saints for helping save that poor "black, Hispanic, special needs, older child".

Birth parents are young, poor, knocked up, "bad girls" whose parents are making them place, or who are placing because they don't care, or they are drug addicted whores,  and none of them care about their babies.  They all want money, and most of them are getting paid for their children.  Or they abused and neglected their kids so they were taken away-because they are mean wicked people.

Adopted kids are damaged goods, they will grow up to be murderers, or at least mental cases, they will always give their parents trouble, they have been "saved", they should be grateful, they were second choice, second best, they will grow up to hate their parents and search for their "real family" and reject their adoptive family.

Adoption professionals are money hungry baby buyers who lie cheat and steal kids away from birthparents and who cow tow to the desires of those rich, desperate adoptive parents.  Adoption professionals make gobs of money providing babies for the childless.   They don't care about the kids, only the $$.

Now, at one time or another many of the above myths could prove true in a certain instance or circumstance unfortunately.   But most of the time they are just that, myths.  As a community of people who grow together in an ever changing community of people, I think it is important for us to try to dispel these myths whenever we can.  It never bodes well for any group of people to be perceived by others in a bad light.

I feel it is a personal responsibility to try to help others understand who I am, who I work with when I need professionals, who my kids are, and will become and why. That is why when someone says something to me about my kids' birthparents that is a stereotype I correct them.  I help new-prospective adoptive parents with terminology and understanding of situations so that they do not perpetuate myths.

And I help adoption "professionals" to see the stereotypes and myths that they perpetuate if they are doing so.  Adoption professionals have an even greater responsibility because they are seen as the professionals in our community.  They perceived to be the leaders, the educated, the standard, the leaders, for the rest of the community.  And that is why I will continue to point out to professionals when I feel they are promoting stereotypes in our community.   Some of you don't like it when I do this.  I will keep doing it until the adoption professionals act like professionals, and do not promote the stereotypes that I abhor.

I am not a money waving baby buyer, I don't use money hungry baby sellers to adopt my kids, I did not adopt them from birthparents who hate their babies, and I did not adopt kids that are second best, or second choice for me who needed to be saved and now need to be grateful.

Melissa Barrigar
Ethicanet.org

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